4th January 2010- The day I reached US to purse my Masters of Electrical Engineering after a year long war between my head and heart.
Back then,I did so to escape from a world that had - let say “collapsed” (in my head). A life I had not expected and a life I wanted to undo.
All the months of running around the hospitals and meeting doctors for my dads health, and deferring my admission to USNW (Australia) thrice, I decided it was time to do something about the way I was living my life.
I didn’t want to grow up to be that old aunty who tells stories of her dreams to kids of the “Could have been and Would have been” of her life.
I wanted to grow old to say “I wanted to do something and I went ahead and did it”.
I was leaving behind a family who didn’t approve of my decision to study further. Which , when I think now, was the right thing for them to feel. A family that had been through a lot and need their daughter next to them.
I was leaving behind a relationship of 4 years with the most amazing person I have ever met .Someone who stood by be through the roller-coaster called MY LIFE.
I was hurting when I took that flight from Mumbai.
I was heartbroken,disappointed and shattered (dramatic and filmy style).
Wondering if this was the right thing to do ?Was I ready to live with the guilt all my life if things went wrong ? But then how worse could it get ? I thought.
And here I am now- healed and full of life .
The two years havent been the perfect or right of a movie kind.
Life has its way of acting funny , no matter what corner of the world you run to.
But all of this , made me the person I am today.
I no longer feel it was an escape. Escape is when one is wants to live in denial of the reality of ones life.When one resists to accept and acknowledge that something is wrong.
I was fully aware that I needed help, that I was messed up and I needed to do something about it.
How is that an escape??
My decision to fly stands.
I am glad I did it .
And in my doing , I took a chance which opened new doors for myself. I allowed myself to be a better me. I allowed myself to learn new things and open my mind to new pattern of thinking. A better way of living.
Until that decision , I had been living a life inspired by compromise, a life lived on blame and eventually that would have turned into regret , and may be resentment.
I stand by my decision . My decision to say to NO to things I did not feel right and NO to things that took away my energy and enthusiasm towards living the life I had imagined.
I had left the place and people I spent 25 years of my life with , to find an answer to all that was wrong .
Let Just say , I “Almost” did .